I wasn't going to blog at all tonight but I think it will help me release a bit and I think it's good to be honest with the blogger world, since I know that those of you reading this are my friends. Contrary to popular belief I am not happy go lucky all the time and right now is definitely one of those times. It's been a trying day with Lucy, and I feel guilty even saying that because there are so many of my friends who are struggling with extremely sick children in and out of the hospital. I can't even begin to imagine that pain and uncertainty. Lucy is at the point where she is definitely suffering but could possibly recover. As bad as it sounds I wish she would get worse so I could feel okay putting her down or get better so we can move on with our lives. This limbo land is making me nuts.
I am in physical pain because of the tumble I took today. My face feels all swollen, even though it isn't, which makes me feel like a whiner, which I am. I have NO tolerance for pain. My head is pounding and I wince every time I touch my nose. Such a whiner.
As is normal when I'm feeling bad in other areas of my life I am feeling lonely and irritable. Then I start blaming other people for my problems and looking for reasons to be mad at my friends.
It is astounding to me how cunning Satan is. He takes our weaknesses and then uses our own minds to compound them. My problems are NOTHING compared to those facing the majority of the people walking this earth but Satan has definitely jumped at the opportunity to kick me while I'm down and allow me to get wrapped up in me.
As I predicted writing has helped me berate myself out of my selfishness and into a healthier mindset. God does amazingly overwhelmingly wonderful things in my life. There is rarely a day that I don't feel amazed at the little things, the "meaningless" things, that he does for me. And the huge important things are just too many to count. I am so blessed. I know he uses these trials to make me stronger. Even if it's just to make me realize my selfishness and moved past it, I have grown.
Thank you very much for those of you that take time out of your day to read my ramblings. I truly love you and your friendship. Tomorrow is sure to be a brighter day. I need to get some sleep now, that's a big part of my problem. Love you guys!